Have you been told by others that you’re always so sensitive?
Have you ever felt it is difficult to uphold the fast paced and multi-tasking expectations our society and culture places on us without being overwhelmed?
Have you noticed you think quite deeply about things and may enjoy deep conversations?
Do you tend to take on the emotions of those around you without meaning to or even thinking about it, it’s just natural to you?
Are you sensitive to things like medication (changes,) alcohol, or caffeine?
Have you ever noticed that you are bothered by certain sensations, such as the tag on your clothing, the seam in your socks, the noise around you, etc.?
If you answered yes to all or most of these questions, it could indicate that you are a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP.) This actually can be quite a superpower and helpful to us, so long as the traits of being an HSP that are challenging or tiring at times are well managed and cared for.
To learn more about whether or not you relate to traits of an HSP, you can visit here to take the Highly Sensitive Person Self Test, where you can also find many books, other resources, and information about the highly sensitive adult and child. You may hear the traits of the Highly Sensitive Person also referred to as Sensory Processing Sensitivity. Dr. Elaine Aron, who is responsible for beginning the study of the innate trait of high sensitivity, states:
“Sensory Processing Sensitivity (SPS, HSP, or Highly Sensitive Person) is not a condition, a disorder, or a diagnosis. It is a neutral trait that evolved in 20% of the human population and many non-human species as well, because it is a survival advantage in some situations and not in others.”
You can remember the traits of an HSP with the acronym DOES:
D: Depth of Processing – search for meaning, may overthink which can cause difficulty making decisions, enjoy deep and meaningful conversations with others
O: Overstimulation – overarousal to your environment, overstimulated by sensations (physical touch/sensation, sights, levels of noise, degree of lighting, etc.) as a result may feel burnout, avoid making plans with friends
E: Emotional Reactivity – emotional intensity, you may be known in your social circles as the empath, the one people go to in times of emotional need, the person that feels other people’s feelings and can become quite tired by it at times
S: Sensory Sensitivity – sensing the subtle cues in your environment or in those around you, this can include sensitivity to caffeine, alcohol, medication changes and dosages, sensitivity to interpersonal dynamics (such as facial expressions, awkwardness in a social setting among those around you)
The Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) trait is genetic, inherited, and innate. Highly sensitive individuals play a vital role in society—they are often the first to notice subtle changes in the environment that could signal potential danger or the need for a response. They often possess rich inner worlds and a strong appreciation for beauty, art, and nuance, which can translate into extraordinary creativity and innovation. While modern culture sometimes stigmatizes sensitivity, it’s important to recognize the essential contributions made by HSPs. That said, the heightened sensitivity can sometimes feel overwhelming and unsupported for the person experiencing it. So what can we do about it?
If you believe you may be an HSP, below are some strategies for how you can take care of yourself that may differ from those around you who may not be as sensitive to their environment. It can be helpful to yourself and your relationships to implement a self care and wellness routine that works for you and communicate it to those around you (partner, friends, roommates, etc.) so they know how to best support your needs to recharge, prevent burnout and fatigue, and increase resiliency and connection.
Plan downtime
People who identify as an HSP may need much more downtime, alone time, or decompression time than their non-HSP peers, friends, or family members. It is essential for HSPs to schedule downtime daily for at least a short period of time, even if it can only be 10 minutes – some is better than none! If you can schedule a longer stretch of time to decompress for yourself at least 1 time per week, that may help you to reduce burnout, overwhelm, overstimulation, and fatigue. This can look like:
- Being in nature without distractions. Maybe you usually have headphones in during a walk, try walking without them for a bit (even if it is only the first 5 minutes of your walk) and just be present with the nature around you. What colors do you see on the trees or flowers? What do the birds sound like? What does the air or wind feel like? Grounding yourself while in nature is shown to be a great decompression strategy for those who can more easily become overstimulated.
- Planning a “solo date” for yourself where you engage in an activity by yourself to decompress. This could include going to a pottery or painting class weekly without your children or partner, visiting a botanical garden or conservatory, going to a museum you find calming and enjoyable, or just setting aside time to watch TV or a show you like that the rest of your family doesn’t like to watch while you have your favorite snack (use of our sense of taste can be soothing too!)
- Creating a space within or around your home that you can go to for some peace and quiet here and there. This could look like drawing a calming bath for yourself and including soothing scents with essential oils or safe use of candles, peaceful music or just enjoying the quiet without noise. Perhaps there is an area of your bedroom that you find relaxing to sit and read, or a place you can sit quietly near a window or on a porch to enjoy the sun coming through as you sip your tea or coffee in the morning.
Go back to the basics
When we are overwhelmed or overstimulated, it is important to not underestimate or dismiss “the basics” of caring for ourselves.
- HSPs may be more prone to overstimulation with lack of sleep. Try to determine what amount of sleep you need per night to generally feel well rested and less emotionally, spiritually, mentally, and physically overwhelmed. For new parents, a bare minimum is 5 hours of sleep (does not have to be a consecutive 5 hours) to function on your most basic level!
- Based on Dr. Elaine Aron’s research, high levels of hunger can negatively impact an HSP’s mood and focus, which may then impact irritability or communication with those you are in relationship with. Making sure you are eating enough for your individual needs and body can be a game changer for your energy and resilience! If you need support, it may be helpful to add a registered dietitian to your support team to help you navigate how to structure meals and make sure you are getting enough nutrition to nourish your body and your mind throughout the day, given that your mind may constantly be feeling attuned to subtle changes, emotions of others, and the environment around you.
- Try to get outside daily. Research shows that HSPs need time in nature and outdoors to feel well. Try your best, regardless of weather conditions, to go outside for at least a moment each day and take a few breaths of fresh air. This could include taking your dog for a walk around the block, sitting in your outdoor space for 1 minute and taking a few deep breaths, or walking somewhere close by instead of driving.
- Surround yourself with people that are easy to be around. If you are feeling emotionally, socially, and mentally fatigued, try to prioritize time you are social with people that you do not have to be super “on” with. Maybe this is your best friend you can share anything with or just do “nothing” with. Think about the people you feel re-energized after spending time with them vs. the people you tend to feel drained after spending time with them. You may temporarily or on-goingly limit time with those that are more draining to your energy (depending on the relationship and what is realistic) and increase time and energy in relationships with those you can connect more deeply with mutually.
- Take a shower, brush your teeth, do a little skin care routine! These quick steps can make us feel refreshed and soothed by the calming sensations of water, the feeling of clean teeth, the smell of the body wash or shampoo!
Share your experience as an HSP with your support system
As stated previously, your self care, capacity for socialization, energy output, and stimulation limits may look different than those around you, and therefore, not everyone is naturally going to know or understand how or why your needs look different from theirs. It is important, particularly in our most intimate and constant relationships, to communicate what it means to be an HSP for you: what your self care needs are and when you are needing to implement that self care plan. If you do not communicate this to our partner/spouse, for example, it may cause your partner to personalize or become defensive when you do not want to spend time with them at a particular moment or on a certain day.
It is okay to have a need for decompression time alone, it is okay to have times when you may not want or feel able to attend a social engagement you previously agreed to. It is okay when you are feeling “touched out” by kids hanging on you all day and the thought of a hug from your partner feels draining vs. supportive. It is okay to have days when you are generally burned out and fatigued and in need of quiet for just one moment of your day. However, if you do not ask for what you need, express how you experience the world as an HSP to your loved ones, it can be very challenging to set these routines that will allow you to be the person, the partner, the parent, the friend, etc. that you want and hope to be each day!
Some ways to get started with communicating this to your support system may include sharing the HSP website with them and explaining what you relate to and asking them how they differ or relate. You can use the Dialectical Behavioral Therapy skill for asking for what you want or need through the acronym: DEAR MAN, which may sound something like this:
D: Describe the facts of the situation, “I had a lot of meetings to attend at work today.”
E: Express feelings, “As a result, I am feeling very overstimulated and socially and emotionally fatigued.”
A: Assert your need, “I would really benefit from some alone time after work today instead of hanging out this evening together.”
R: Reinforce your need, “Having this time would allow me to be more present when we do spend time together and we can watch our favorite show together for some quality time tomorrow night!”
M: be Mindful, stay on topic and clear to the point, don’t beat around the bush for what you need to care for yourself.
A: Act confident, once you know what you need to care for yourself, speak to it! No one can read your mind, as much as we wish they could after knowing one another for a long time!
N: Negotiate as possible/as needed, “I would be happy to take over the household tasks sometime later this week so you can have some alone time or time with friends to decompress too!”
If you believe you might be an HSP, working with a psychotherapist can be a helpful way to further explore how this impacts you day to day, ways to make your own personalized wellness plan and routine, and strategies to communicate your needs with your support system more effectively without blame. If you would like to learn more about how psychotherapy can help, reach out to us for your initial consultation. Also, check out our recent article on navigating life as a highly sensitive parent.
Sources
Aron, Elaine N. (2025). https://hsperson.com/.
Haas, Susan Biali, M.D. Highly Sensitive Person: Top 10 Survival Tips for the Highly Sensitive Person (HSP,) Secrets to surviving a highly sensitive life. Posted May 21, 2011. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/prescriptions-life/201105/top-10-survival-tips-the-highly-sensitive-person-hsp.
Wildflower Internal Training. Coors, Jessica M.Ed., LCPC, PMH-C, Piwnicki, Jennifer, MA, LCPC. Psychotherapy for the Highly Sensitive Person. (2022).
