Values-Based Resolutions: How to Set Goals You Can Actually Achieve

values-based resolutions

At the end of each year, many of us find ourselves reevaluating habits that we feel are not benefiting our mind, body or soul. We see the upcoming new year as a chance to turn an unhelpful habit into one of value. When the new year begins we feel motivated with a fresh sense of hope and determination. But somewhere along the way, many of us settle back into our old habits, the familiar ones our brain has been wired to do for years. By the time we realize it, we soothe ourselves with thoughts of trying again another time, maybe next year even. 

Humans have been making New Year’s resolutions for nearly four thousand years, and how we envision them has evolved throughout culture and time (Laurence, 2024). Records show that celebrating a new year started with the Babylonians and it was not until a Babylonian king vowed to be a better ruler in the coming new year did New Year’s resolutions allegedly begin.  The Romans would evolve this new tradition by starting the year on January 1st and focusing on the theme of renewal upon the new year.  Our modern take on resolutions started a some centuries later when the Puritans opted for further introspection and reflection around what unhelpful habits to drop and what helpful ones to adopt. However, throughout time it has been recorded that these resolutions don’t normally hold. This is typically due to the contrived timing of our resolutions while still being in the contemplation stage of change. They also tend to be too vague, grand and not rooted in our values.

Why We Struggle with Resolutions

If we have a resolution to change how we look due to messages from mom or Instagram, then the resolution might not be based on our own values but rather that of someone else. This resolution is also vague, grand and has no plan in place. It can lead to us feeling overwhelmed, bad about ourselves, and doubling down on unhelpful habits as our brains are wired to access already programmed ones to comfort us more efficiently. Habits are context dependent rather than outcome dependent (Mendelsohn, 2019). They are fortified by repeated cues such as indulging in comfort food during emotional distress despite the possibility of it leading to not feeling physically well.  When we first set a goal to make a new habit we are operating through an outcome dependent lens where we are actively seeking a helpful reward, such as feeling healthy, balanced, or in control. This outcome dependent effort is not as efficient as the already established habit and so will take time and repetition to become an automatic behavior. 

Then there is the issue of perfectionism. When we envision ourselves in the new year we say, new year, new me”. At its core, this phrase suggests an overhaul of who we are and how we show up in the world. It not only negates our strengths and what we do well but also our contexts and the obstacles that can arise in our everyday life.  As a result, there is a lot of room for all or nothing thinking. For instance, if the resolution is to drink a specific amount of water a day and we say that we are motivated by values of self care, well-being and vitality then it may be a reasonable goal to strive for. However, if after the first day we don’t fulfill our water intake quota and think, then what’s the point?, maybe the expectation set around this resolution was not very realistic or values based after all. It might instead be helpful to look at smaller changes in our routine. For instance, drinking a glass of water with most meals or trying to make sure to leave the house with a water bottle in tow. Either way, success is not measured by having a perfect track record. Rather it is how we bounce back and keep going instead of giving up.

So, what are some realistic ways to navigate growth or change in the new year? Let’s explore how values work, intentions, SMART goals and environment can all play a key role in making a more meaningful year ahead. 

Values and Intentions

A value is not a goal, resolution or an outcome. Instead, values are how we approach doing things. They are the compass that can guide us towards our goals. To help determine what a value is, think of a state of being. Being flexible, being present, being creative, and being curious are all examples of different values that can guide us towards our goal. Values can be seen as the how or why whereas goals can be seen as the what.  

In order to identify our values it can be helpful to examine the main areas of our lives such as family, friends, work, mental/physical health, spirituality, recreation and so on. On a scale from 0 (not important) to 10 (very important), how important is this area? Ask yourself why it might be a 7 and not a 3. On that same scale how effectively are you living in this area? Ask yourself why it might be a 4 and not an 8. It can be useful to examine this through The Life Compass worksheet. After filling out each category, evaluate how your importance and effective rankings compare. If they aren’t aligned, this might be a topic that needs some values based attention. Who do we want to be in each of these areas? What qualities do we want to have as a parent, a friend or when we have down time?  These are our values.

After identifying our values we can now set intentions. Unlike goals, intentions are not specific or measurable entities but rather an attitude behind an action. Maybe this year you want to be more present with your family; or more creative with your free time; or more balanced with your physical health. These intentions can act as a guiding light for the year and give us more room to check in with our actions regardless of any obstacles. There is a permission to make mistakes and bounce back as we are trying out this new skin. And there are limitless ways to act on these intentions and learn more about ourselves along the way. In the end, by tuning into our values and making intentions rather than just setting a goal, we can reduce avoidance and resignation and enhance our own resilience. 

Values-based SMART Goals

SMART goals are Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time bound. For some, entering the new year with a values-based intention will work great on its own, but for others it might not be specific enough. Therefore, it will be important to make sure to develop a values-based goal that meets the SMART goal structured criteria in order to create a realistic road map. Sometimes, a year long goal can seem daunting and it might be too hard to maintain focus on a goal that is supposed to span a long period of time. For some, it could be easier to break down goals into one month or several months at a time. You could have different SMART goals every few months that are in line with the same intention and move you towards your values.  

To make this values-based, let’s add on from what we learned about determining our values and intentions for the year. Let’s say that I identify that being present is an important value and I want my intention for the year to be more present with my family in order to move the effective ranking from a 6 towards my ranking of importance of family, which is a 10. What would this actually look like? It is a great value and intention but without a plan it might not seem like a concrete idea. 

Let’s turn this intention into a specific goal. What will I achieve? Who will benefit from this goal? I could say that I will spend 30 minutes of phone free quality time with my family, three nights a week where I will actively engage in meaningful conversation for the next month. This goal is specific and names that the family will benefit from the achieved quality time. The goal is measurable as it answers quantifiable questions like how much time? (30 minutes); how many times? (3 evenings a week); and for how long? (a month).  Is this goal achievable? If I work a 9-5 job, I already have good boundaries between work and home life, and my entire family typically has no plans in the evening and are receptive to this goal, then yes this goal seems achievable.  How relevant is this goal? Is this goal something I want to do? Is it in line with my values and intentions?  As this goal is values-based and aligns with my desire to be more present with my family, it is quite relevant. Finally, is this goal time bound? Is the time to achieve this goal reasonable? One month is a pretty manageable amount of time to stay motivated and follow through and it can even be enough time to make this goal a habit. To make your own values-based SMART goal, check out this SMART goal worksheet

Goals and Your Environment

Building new habits can be quite challenging, especially if you are in an environment that does not support them. If you are opting out of a values-based SMART goal and just want to set an intention to, say, be more creative in your free time, it will be essential to create a space that supports this. With a SMART goal, the analysis of if the goal is achievable is already built in. But with just an intention, how can you create a space that will make being more creative more likely to happen? It is important to reflect on what creativity means to you. How much free time do you have? Do you have a dedicated space to do creative work? Are you being creative for yourself or are you comparing yourself to others? What distractions might there be? Who is supporting you?  If you are constantly comparing yourself to others, you don’t have a dedicated space, or no one is supporting you, it can become incredibly difficult to keep working in line with your intention, which in turn will affect your resilience. 

New Year’s resolutions sometimes don’t work because they occur when we are still in a contemplative state or are not yet in the right environment. It is okay to not create rigid rules around starting on January 1st or execute your resolution perfectly. So if you are reading this while still in a contemplative state, not in the right environment or you found yourself diverging from your original plan, give yourself some grace, acknowledge not just what went wrong but what has gone right, determine how you can adjust your environment, check in again with your values and keep moving forward.

If you are interested in learning how psychotherapy can help you set and achieve values-based goals, reach out to our intake team at Wildflower for your free initial consultation!

References

Laurence, E. (2024, December 27). New Year’s resolutions aren’t a fad—they have endured for thousands of years. History. https://www.nationalgeographic.com/history/article/history-of-new-years-resolutions

Mendelsohn, A. I. (2019). Creatures of Habit: the neuroscience of habit and purposeful behavior. Biological Psychiatry, 85(11), e49–e51. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.biopsych.2019.03.978