Happy Pride Month from all of us at Wildflower Center for Emotional Health! This Pride Month, we are shining a light on how to be an effective ally and friend to people in the LGBTQIA+ community going through infertility. Infertility is a deeply emotional experience, and for LGBTQIA+ individuals and couples, the journey to parenthood often comes with added layers of complexity, stigma, and pain. As a friend, your support can be a powerful source of comfort—and in order to provide this comfort, it’s important to have some understanding of the struggles associated with infertility that are specific to the LGBTQIA+ community.
The 411 on Infertility in LGBTQIA+ Communities
More often than heterosexual couples, LGBTQIA+ people frequently need to rely on assisted reproductive technologies (ART), donor gametes, surrogacy, or adoption to grow their families. These paths are often expensive, legally complicated, and emotionally draining. Insurance coverage frequently excludes queer families, and many clinics are not trained in LGBTQIA+-competent or affirming care. Beyond that, LGBTQIA+ individuals may face discrimination or invalidation during their fertility journey— examples include being misgendered in clinics, having to “prove” their family structure to providers or adoption agencies, and not being included in common supports for folks going through infertility.
Infertility in this community also challenges common assumptions about what “infertility” means. For LGBTQIA+ people, the inability to biologically conceive may not stem from a medical condition, but from one’s social circumstances or relationships (also known as social infertility). This can lead to disenfranchised grief—pain that is not always recognized or validated by others—making the experience of infertility even more lonely and isolating.
How to Support your LGBTQIA Friends through Infertility
As a friend or loved one, one of the most meaningful things you can do is listen without judgment or assumptions. You can start by learning and using inclusive language, and educating yourself about infertility treatments- and in doing so, can alleviate some of the mental load for your friend. Additionally, you can ask how you can support them, and avoid questions that pry into private details unless they offer to share. Validate their grief, frustration or ambivalence– whatever emotions come up are real and valid. You can also help by researching LGBTQIA+-affirming providers, offering emotional and logistical support during appointments, or simply showing up consistently, without needing to fix the situation. Your compassionate presence can help your friend feel seen, affirmed, and less alone on a path that is often filled with uncertainty and pain.
For more resources around how to support the LGBTQIA community this Pride Month, check out these articles from Wildflower’s webzine:
Understanding Social Infertility: An Evolving Term in Reproductive Health
Celebrating and Supporting LGBTQ+ Families
