Welcome to Part 3 of Flexibility of the Mind webzine series! In Part 1 and Part 2 of this webzine series, we defined psychological flexibility, asked some hard hitting questions about thoughts and feelings, and summarized the “Noticing Self” and ways to stay present. If you need a refresher, keep reading! Take a moment to notice your feelings and any sensations in your body. Press your feet down and feel the ground beneath you. Remember, you can always go back and review Parts 1 and 2 of this series here and here.
In Part 3, we’ll delve into two additional core concepts of psychological flexibility: expansion and defusion. We will define these terms shortly, so stay tuned! It’s important to note that psychological flexibility is NOT a step-by-step process, but rather a new way of engaging with our internal and external worlds, allowing us to connect with what truly matters, regardless of our thoughts and feelings.
What Gets in the Way: Continued
As discussed in Part 2, there are numerous distractions that pull us away from the present moment. These distractions include external experiences – like the loud BANG outside my window that diverted my attention – as well as internal experiences. Internal experiences encompass any private experience we have at any given moment, such as our thoughts, feelings, sensations, memories, and fantasies. Some of these experiences are pleasant, while others are unpleasant.
To illustrate this, I’ll present a series of nine emotions. As you read them, give a “thumbs up” to feelings you consider “good” or “positive”, and a “thumbs down” to those you consider “bad” or “negative”. Ready? GO!
Fear Anger Curiosity Love Sadness Disgust Joy Shock Guilt
(adapted from Harris, 2009’s The Happiness Trap)
How many did you “thumbs up”? “Thumbs down”? If you’re like most people, you associate about six of those nine emotions with “bad” or “negative”. Interestingly, this list above is of Nine Basic Human Emotions (Harris, 2009). Why is it that we judge basic emotions as “bad” or “negative”?
There is ongoing debate about how to define emotions, leading us to use various languages and tools to describe and understand them. Adolphs, Mlodinow, and Barrett (2019) state, “After more than a century of scientific inquiry, however, emotions remain essentially contested concepts: scientists disagree on how they should be defined, on where to draw the boundaries for what counts as an emotion and what does not, on whether conscious experiences are central or epiphenomenal, and so on.” This highlights the challenge of understanding and effectively navigating our emotions. Western culture further complicates this with phrases like “Man up,” “stop crying,” or “calm down,” reinforcing the idea of suppressing emotions.
In addition, as discussed in the Evolution of the Human Mind video from Part 2, we are biologically wired to avoid pain, whether physical or psychological, as it often signals danger or harm. However, research shows that suppressing emotions can lead to more psychological suffering in the long term (Harris, 2009). It’s akin to trying to hold a beach ball underwater: we may manage it briefly, but eventually, the pressure builds, and the ball resurfaces forcefully. This analogy reflects real-life struggles, where internal conflicts arise from beliefs like “I shouldn’t feel like this” or “there’s something wrong with me if I feel this way,” echoing the “Myths of Emotions” discussed in Part 1 (Harris, 2009). Similarly, we may grapple internally with both unpleasant emotions and thoughts.
Thoughts can be defined as the words that circulate within our minds (Harris, 2009). They serve as invaluable guides, informing us about our identity, actions, and potential pitfalls (Harris, 2009). However, thoughts wield immense power! In this context, we’ll refer to “thoughts” as “stories.” These narratives can be true, false, or somewhere in between. Often, they reflect our perceptions of life (opinions, attitudes, judgments, ideals, morals, etc.) or our aspirations (plans, strategies, goals, wishes, etc.) (Harris, 2009). Occasionally, we become entangled or “fused” with these stories, unable to separate ourselves from them. For instance, if I’m fused with the story “I didn’t perform well on that work project last week,” I may engage in a futile battle, attempting to rationalize, verify its accuracy, or distract myself from it. Unfortunately, our efforts to contend with and avoid these stories can exact a heavy toll on our well-being.
Yellow Jeep (Adapted from Harris 2009’s ACT Made Simple)
How many times have you thought about a yellow jeep in the past two weeks? There’s no right or wrong answer, but try to give a rough estimate.
For the next 30 seconds, I want you to try your hardest NOT to think about a yellow jeep.
How many times did the yellow jeep cross your mind in the past 30 seconds? How much effort did you expend trying not to think about it? What sensations did you notice in your body during this exercise?
Now, for the next 30 seconds, let your mind roam freely, allowing thoughts to come and go without resistance.
How many times did the yellow jeep pop into your head in the past 30 seconds? How much effort did you exert this time? What sensations did you notice in your body when you allowed your thoughts to flow naturally?
Welcome back! What did you observe? Most likely, you found yourself thinking about the yellow jeep more frequently when you were actively trying not to, expending considerable effort in the process. This phenomenon aligns with the popular saying “Don’t think about a pink elephant.” Research indicates that instructing ourselves (or being instructed) not to think about something often directs our attention towards it, resulting in an increase in those unwanted thoughts and narratives (Wegner et al., 1987). Despite this knowledge, we often find ourselves struggling against, rather than alongside, unpleasant thoughts and emotions.
“Workable” and “Unworkable” Action
It’s crucial to understand that this framework isn’t a black-and-white concept, nor does it suggest that all avoidance leads to increased suffering! Avoiding pain is a fundamental mechanism that our minds employ to keep us safe from harm, and in many cases, it’s helpful and beneficial. However, there are instances where avoiding pain can exacerbate issues, create more problems, or steer us away from what truly matters.
Consider the fear of spiders as an example. Humans are naturally wired to fear spiders because some species can be poisonous and pose a threat to our safety. If I live in a city, rarely venture outdoors, and have no interest in camping, avoiding spiders might not significantly impact my life or my pursuit of happiness. However, if I find solace in nature and dream of becoming a park ranger, avoiding spiders could hinder me from living authentically and pursuing my passions.
While avoidance might offer temporary relief and a sense of safety, it can also distance us from what truly brings fulfillment and meaning to our lives. This is what we refer to as “unworkable action” – actions that steer us away from our desired path rather than towards it. If you resonate with the second example, consider exploring the following strategies to navigate this challenge.
If I Don’t Avoid, What Do I Do?
When working with my clients, I frequently delve into the concept of the “push and pull” dynamic we experience with unpleasant feelings and thoughts. It’s common to find ourselves either getting too entangled with these thoughts or attempting to push them away entirely. However, neither extreme is conducive to our well-being.
In such instances, we can leverage the “Noticing Self” technique introduced in Part 2 of this series. By cultivating awareness and mindfulness, we create space to acknowledge and observe these uncomfortable feelings and stories without getting overwhelmed by them. This practice allows us to expand our perspective and detach from these thoughts and emotions, especially when avoidance proves to be ineffective or counterproductive.
Labeling Our Feelings
Some simple ways that you can begin to lean into and expand around your unpleasant emotions is by labeling them. When we can name our emotions specifically, we can take some power away from them and sometimes even learn a little about what we might need at that moment. Rather than saying “I feel bad”, “good”, “fine”, etc., you can change the language you use to talk to yourself and others by saying “I feel ____”,
A way you can start is by looking at a Feelings Wheel! It can be a helpful way to increase your emotional vocabulary, identify what you are feeling at any given moment, and ultimately support you in getting to know yourself in a deeper way.
In conjunction with the Feelings Wheel, we can practice “expanding around” and getting curious, and leaning into our unpleasant feelings by the following guidelines (adapted from The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris):
Observe
Observe the sensations in your body. Take a few seconds to scan yourself from head to toe, noticing any uncomfortable sensations. Pick the one that upsets you the most – lump in your throat, knot in your stomach, etc. and focus on it. Observe the feeling with curiosity.
Breathe
Breathe into and around the sensation. Begin with a few deep breaths, being sure to empty your lungs completely. Slow, deep breathing is important – it lowers your levels of tension and provides a center of calm within you. “It’s like an anchor in the midst of an emotional storm: the anchor won’t get rid of the storm, but it will hold you steady until it passes.”
Create Space
In breathing deeply into and around the sensation, it’s as if you’re somehow making space within your body. You’re expanding rather than tensing. Open up and create a space around this sensation, giving it plenty of room to move. And if it gets bigger, give it even more space.
Allow
Resist the urge to get rid of the feeling. Allow it to be there, even though it’s unpleasant and you don’t like it. Let it be. When your mind starts judging and commenting, simply thank it and bring your attention back to observing.
Defusing from the Stories
When we find ourselves caught up in and entangled with the stories in our heads, it’s important to remember that these are words and phrases. Psychological flexibility practices tapping into “The Noticing Self” to observe and defuse from unhelpful thoughts and stories. We can do this in a variety of creative ways!
(adapted from Harris, 2009’s The Happiness Trap)
Karaoke Ball
Imagine your thoughts or story as words on a karaoke screen. Imagine a bouncing ball jumping from word to word across the screen. Repeat this several times. If you like, you can even imagine yourself up on stage singing along to the words on the screen.
Changing Scenarios
Imagine your thought or story in a variety of different settings. Take about five to ten seconds to imagine each scenario, and then move onto the next one. See your thought or story written in the following ways:
1. In playful, colorful letters on the cover of a children’s book
2. As stylish graphics on a restaurant menu
3. As frosting on top of a birthday cake
4. In chalk on a blackboard
5. As a slogan on the tee-shirt of a jogger
Singing
Sing your thoughts or stories to yourself, either silently or out loud, to the tune of “Happy Birthday” Then try it with a couple of other tunes.
Leaves on a Stream or Clouds in the Sky
Imagine leaves gently floating down a stream or clouds gently floating through the sky. Take your thoughts and stories, place them on those leaves or clouds, and watch them gently float on by
“I Notice I’m Having the Thought That…”
As you notice an unhelpful thought or story, practice saying it again a few more times to yourself with the addition of “I notice I’m having the thought that…” or “The story my mind is telling me is…”
The paradox is this: We don’t have much (if any) control over our thoughts and feelings; human beings are biologically wired to avoid physical and psychological pain (thoughts, feelings, sensations, and memories); AND when we spend our time fighting with and avoiding pain, we can find ourselves becoming disconnected from what matters most to us, both in the here-and-now, as well as with our longer term goals and visions we have for ourselves. How do we know what matters most to us? By getting in touch with our values.
In Part 4 and the finale of this webzine series, we will go over the final two core concepts of psychological flexibility: values and committed action. Psychological flexibility allows us to make a choice, to avoid the pain and accept the pain, all doing so in service of something that matters more: our values.
If you are interested in learning more about the Acceptance and Commitment Therapy approach this content is based on, and how a psychotherapist at Wildflower Center for Emotional Health can help you apply the ideas we shared here, reach out to us for a free consultation! We are looking forward to hearing from you.
Sources
Adolphs, R., Mlodwinow, L., & Barrett, L. F. (2019). What is an emotion? Current Biology, 29(20).
Harris, R. (2009). ACT made simple: A quick start guide to ACT basics and beyond. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, Inc.
Harris, R. (2009). The happiness trap: How to stop struggling and start living. Boulder, CO: Shambhala Publications.Wegner,
D. M., Schneider, D. J., Carter III, S. R., & White, T. L. (1987). Paradoxical effects of thought suppression. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 53 (1).
