Sexuality transmitted infections (STIs) can bring up a lot – fear, shame, confusion, overwhelm – not to mention a ton of unanswered questions or worries. As sex therapists, we often see how these feelings of overwhelm and worries of stigma can make an already stressful situation even heavier.
Here are ten things I wish everyone could know about STIs.
1. They’re way more common than you think.
You are not alone – sexually transmitted infections are common. More than 25 million sexually transmitted infections occur every year in the United States. About half of these cases occur in people ages 15 to 25. STIs affect people of all ages, genders, orientations, and relationship structures. Having an STI does not say anything about who you are as a person, how responsible you are, or the kind of partner you are.
2. It’s totally normal to feel shame and guilt, AND you don’t need to!
Many people feel embarrassed or ashamed after an STI diagnosis. Those feelings make sense in a culture that stigmatizes sexual health, and it is important to acknowledge these feelings, AND not let them control you! People can feel personally responsible and inadequate for contracting an STI, and may experience worries and fears of rejection, judgement from family, friends or partners. All of these feelings around stigma and shame can delay access to care for the STI as well as may ramp up feelings of anxiety and depression for folks.
Finding ways to combat shame and guilt can be important – some ways that might be helpful include educating yourself about STIs, talking openly about your situation, seeking non-judgmental providers, practicing self compassion, and maybe even talking to a therapist about your feelings.
3. Doctors, therapists, and medical providers hear and see all the things related to STI all the time!
Doctors, therapists, nurses, and other providers talk about STIs every single day. You are not shocking them, disappointing them, or being judged. Their job is to make sure you are getting the best care possible – not to judge or criticize!
4. Don’t spend time going down a Google rabbit hole – stick to whatever information or materials your doctors or medical providers have given you.
Late-night internet spirals can increase anxiety and misinformation. Stick to the guidance, resources, and materials your medical providers give you as they’re tailored, accurate, and grounded in evidence. If you’re finding yourself stuck on a particular question or thought, write it down, and make a commitment to ask your doctor about this vs doom scrolling the internet.
5. With proper medical care and attention people go on to live normal lives.
Many STIs are treatable, manageable, or curable. With appropriate medical care, people go on to have relationships, sex, families, and fulfilling lives. Talk with your healthcare provider to determine what course of treatment and follow up makes the most sense for you and your particular situation.
6. Get regular testing to take care of yourself and any of your partners.
Most healthcare providers recommend at least annual sexually transmitted infection testing, and you may choose to get tested more often, like every 3 to 6 months if you have multiple partners. Regular testing is a powerful act of self care to make sure you are taking the best care of yourself and your partners that you can. Talk to your healthcare provider about a testing schedule that would make sense for you.
7. Inform any current or recent partners of any recent STI diagnoses.
Informing current or recent partners about an STI diagnosis can feel daunting, but it’s an important part of care and consent. You don’t have to do it perfectly – you just have to do it honestly. Practicing saying the words outloud or role playing how you might want to disclose this information can be quite helpful.
8. Do what you need to do to take care of you.
Do what you need to do to take care of yourself – physically, emotionally, and relationally. Rest, boundaries, and support are all valid responses. It’s ok to be gentle with yourself when first learning of a new diagnosis. Take the time to take care of you.
9. Ask your doctor any questions or talk through any medical concerns you might have!
No question is too small, too awkward, or too much. Your doctor is there to explain treatment, timelines, risks, and next steps. You deserve clarity and reassurance.
10. You don’t have to process this alone!
If you’re feeling overwhelmed, anxious, or stuck in shame, talking to a therapist can help. Therapy can be a space to unpack emotions, navigate conversations with partners, and reconnect with your sense of self beyond a diagnosis.
STIs are a medical issue – not a moral one. Care, information, and compassion go a long way. And support is always available when you need it. If you’d like to talk with a therapist who offers a sex-positive, nonjudgmental space, Wildflower therapists are here for you.
